ModishmeN

Weddings! Nothin' Better!

2006-09-20T20:08:00.000-07:00

This past weekend this ModishMaN's sister got married, so this post is for her. I of course was in it. This means responsibility was upon me at the highest level. Not only did I have to pay attention at the rehearsal, but I actually had to remember what to do for the next day. Responsibility was at an all-time high...and I nailed it!

I not only walked my mom down the isle, was 1 of 2 people who pulled the runner (straight mind you), walked a bridesmaid down the isle, remembered where to stand and where to sit (and when), but most importantly, got piss drunk at the reception.

The reception was nearly 8 hours long and I made it through 6. A good time was had by all attendees, including my grandma and grandpa, who were drinking Redbull and vodka (no thanks to the other ModishMaN). The last moments of remembrance would be half the reception dancing to Michael Jackson's "Thriller," and I was then spotted doing shots of bourbon with my dad, (his choice), blacked out (or as my brother-in-law refers to it, "Time Traveling") and then followed a game called "Put to Bed"...at 10:30. Apparently I missed random people making out in the middle of the dance floor, glasses being dropped, dresses lifted up, and guests stealing other guests wedding favor, which happened to be a bottle of wine, for each person who attended. As if 8 hours of drinking isn't enough, people were stealing other people's wine!!!

I woke up a few hours later literally stumbling around the hotel (inside and out) trying to find anyone I knew. The only person I managed to run into was a college roommate who was in the hotel bar piss drunk himself. Luckily I found him because I clearly had absolutely no idea how to get back to my room, nor did I know what the room number was to begin with. In fact, I never even touched a room key the entire time I was there - keep in mind I had a room to myself.

At this time we caught my other college roommate in bed (sleeping at the time) with a random girl. In the morning he asked her how she got into his room. She replied with an "I don't know," and they began making out...maybe for the second time. Who knows? At that point it didn't matter.

All in all it was a good wedding. Oh yeah, and to think I could have missed it by running out of gas on my way to.

We'll be back!

2006-09-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

This week has too much going on in order for us to give you the quality posts you are looking for, so we are going to break until September 19 when things slow down.

Between packing, moving, and weddings, there just isn't enough time in the day.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

See you on the 19th!

Three Days of Drunken Madness!

2006-09-06T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well my theory was proven this past weekend. If you drink like a lush for three nights in a row and fail to sleep much during the night (or should I say wee hours of the morning), you will go back to work a tired, worn out, I need a vacation from my vacation, kina person.

A success story nonetheless. Friday, was a bit of a reunion sort of night. It was a little talkin' here, and lotta drinkin' there. It was as it always is, too much fun. EXCEPT for the $160 bar tab I got stuck with because the other "friend" up and left, and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the weekend; and still haven't.

Good Riddance was Good Times! I had a friend throw a going away party for me on Saturday. If you weren't there you missed out. The amount of alcohol there would rival most fully stocked bars. People hit the pool, people hit the hot tub, people hit each other for not flipping their cup fast enough.

Sunday was wedding night. A little pre-game if you will to be followed up by another stint at the Nut House. You know, the place where drunken people go to get more drunk.

There were some poeple I was hoping to run into last weekend, but didn't seem to see them outside of the cave. They must have been hibernating. Have no fear, little cub, I'll be home Saturday for 10 more days.

***"Top 10 Reason To Skip Work And Head To The Nut House "coming tomorrow***

Nutty For You?

2006-09-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

Labor Day weekend; Its the new Thanksgiving!

Talk about a monumental weekend. Anyone who's anyone will be there. People are coming in from all over the nation just to get a taste of heaven that is The Nut House Redbull and vodka. It gets no better.

ModishMeN will be on a rampage all weekend long. From Friday through the early morning hours of Monday. Stories will be told, and new ones created. Don't worry, if you are one of the few who chose to make the bad decision of not attending, we'll keep you posted. Envious? Well, you should be.

In honor of those who aren't creative enough to come up with a good enough excuse to leave the mundane lives they live, our next post is dedicated to you.

Coming soon - Top 10 Excuses to take off work and head to The Nut House.

Salute!

What Good Are Opinions If You Have To Keep Them To Yourself?

2006-08-30T22:48:00.000-07:00

We’ve all had friends who are in a relationship with someone we don’t particularly care for. Maybe it’s the way they look. Maybe it’s the way they act. Maybe it’s the way our friend has become since they’ve been with this other person.

When is it acceptable to tell your friend you don’t like who they are with? Or is that something you bite your tongue with and hope for the best?

I personally would rather tell my friend that I don’t like the person they are with. I prefer to do it drunk and as belligerent as possible. If you’re going to lose a friend because of someone else, at least do it on your terms, right?

OK, so I don’t exactly do that. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking it. I truly believe that all parties are stuck in the present scenario until something bad between the friend and the significant other occurs. Then and only then can you slyly make a move to express your heartfelt opinion – with a little exaggeration added in.

Maybe just coming out with it is the best way. I challenge anyone to come up with an acceptable way of telling a friend that the person they are with sucks. The more humorous the better. Here’s an example of what we’re looking for:

Wait until your friend is leaning in to kiss the other person goodnight. Just before it happens, yell, “Stop! Don’t kiss her! I saw her pick her nose and eat it earlier.”

Winner gets a free ModishMeN t-shirt and a 1 year subscription to ModishMeN!

Now you have a second chance to prevent pregnancy with Plan B®.

2006-08-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

Picture this. You’re at a bar and you spot some gorgeous creature walk through the threshold of the door. Your eyes aren’t the only ones that catch a glimpse of this radiant being. For a moment “Dream Weaver” is playing in the background and a drunken love-struck gaze is upon your face.

Shit, what am I talking about? That doesn’t happen unless your Anthony Michael Hall and Mollie Ringwald. What really transpires is your drunken ass coincidently got to talkin’ and for some reason the other person is finding you amusing (or they’re milking you for free drinks). In any event, the night falls to a close and what do you know? Look who’s the lucky one?

We’re going to skip the late-night binge eating in this one and go straight to the point. Sex, baby!!! It’s what all the cool kids are doing. Sex, want some - get some. Sex, it makes second chances #1 choices thanks to Plan B.

Some of ModishmeN’s favorite “First Chance” pregnancy prevention mechanisms:

5. “Maybe this is a bad idea.”

4. “I don’t suppose you have a condom?”

3. “Just for a little bit.”

2. “Let’s just see how it feels.”

1. “You’re gonna pull out, right?”

Now, thanks to DuraMed there’s no need to worry about those uncomfortable “First Chance” situations. Now you can skip to Plan B and use that patented “finishing move” right inside.

Plan B is more than a contraceptive, folks. It’s a money saver! Less mess on sheets means less laundry done. Less mess in hair means less shampoo use. As for swallowing, ladies, well, that might be for special occasions now.

Thanks to Plan B up-in-side is now up-to-you.

Happy humpin!

Double-Standard: Just How Drunk Is Too Drunk?

2006-08-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

---The double-standard card can be applied to so many things regarding guys vs. girls. I promise this topic will be talked about on several instances; this is just a first. The topic of choice this round is, Just How Drunk Is Too Drunk?---

When a person gets too drunk several things can happen throughout the course of the night. Some scenarios involve vulgar/abusive language that might not usually come out while in a sober, coherent state; slurring of speech; fighting; falling; eyes in the back of the head/heavy eye lids; ejection from bar; binge eating after hours; whoring; and pissing of the bed. Not to mention many other scenarios, too numerous to list (feel free to list them in the form of a comment if you think they are worthy of an honorable mention).

Now in all fairness, we’re certainly not saying it is acceptable for anyone to be in this sort of state…What we are saying is that it is MORE acceptable for a guy than for a girl. You girls are either too sloppy, to trashy, or just don’t do it as well.

And begin…Vulgar language out of a guy is like soup through a sick child – it just comes out. Abusive language is where there can be some trouble. Things start off in a joking manner, and then soon escalades into a problem…bring on the fighting. Now, to a girl, a guy in a fight looks tough, essentially. Both look tough in the beginning running their mouths, but ultimately there is only one tough guy. Girls admit to being attracted to a guy who can stand up for themselves. [Not to be confused with the guys going around looking for fights]. Regardless of which guy you at the end of the scuffle, you’re getting laid that night. Either they feel bad for you so you get the “Pity Lay,” or you have proven your manhood and some girl would like you to throw her around in the same manner, only naked. As for guys getting the ejection, any time a guy gets ejected from a bar, both sexes benefit, and both sexes laugh.

Vulgar language out of a girl is not the most pleasant thing to hear. In fact, it is quite frankly a turn off, but does go unaddressed more often than not. Abusive language out of a girl is just plain trashy. There is no scenario where a girl looks tough, sexy, or hot while nose to nose with another girl. And even less attractive are the ones who actually get down on the ground and start fighting. Nor do your drunken asses look good being dragged out of the bar, half de-clothed and asking for someone to find your cell phone that fell out of your purse. Good night and good riddance. You are now dubbed bar trash.

When a guy slurs his speech to a girl, it usually ends up being brushed off for some reason. Maybe girls are just more polite in asking “What did you just say?” After the guy repeats what he said the conversation goes forward (probably not very quickly, but forward nonetheless). When a girl slurs her speech it usually ends up with the guy telling her blatantly, “Man, you’re drunk,” or impolitely asking, “What?” after not having understood a word that was said.

Falling is the best example of how a guy can withhold the double-standard of being too drunk. When a guy falls, be it trips, loses balance, or just plain falls off of his bar stool, that shit is funny. It doesn’t matter if he is alright or not, people are laughing. Usually it ends up with the guy jumping up, raising his hands, and saying something comical to acknowledge the fact that he is a drunken idiot. When a girl trips, loses balance, or just plain falls off of her bar stool, everyone looks but no one laughs, people help her up, and if she is OK, her friends will have a laugh. The guys may chuckle but soon after it is followed by a mental image of what the girls face looked like while she was down on the ground, leading to disgust.

When it comes to the drunken eyes, both sexes look bad. Girls look worse because of the make-up factor. For some reason their make-up starts coming off and running. I’ve seen clowns with better make-up than some of these drunken girls. And answer me this, why is it that the drunker a girl gets the worse her hair is through out the night? It truly is directly proportional. You girls can walk in to a bar having your hair look like it was done in some NY hair boutique, and by the end of the night it can look like you just got railed in the bathroom. And let’s not talk about you girls who actually DO get railed in the bathroom!!! You dirty whores, you! Do you actually think that some guy would consider bringing you home to meet his mother after knowing that? And why does this always occur in the women’s bathroom? The other women in there aren’t going to slap high-fives when they realize what you are doing, and you’re certainly not going to get an “Ata girl!” on your way out. Get the fuck outa’ here, bar skank!!!

Timeless classic: Guys pissing the bed. It never stops being funny. Disgusting? Yes, and even worse when you are sharing a bed with them. Or how about watching a guy piss in the corner, or in a closet thinking he is in the bathroom? Priceless? Fuckin’-A-Right it is. Now a girl pissing the bed is just disgusting. There is nothing funny about it. It isn’t even funny if it is in the same bed as a friend. Even watching a drunken girl pissing in the corner, or in a closet, is sad at best. It just isn’t very lady-like, now is it?

Finally, watching a guy devour a $10 order from Taco-Bell is disgusting, note-worthy, and common (at least attempted weekly). Watching a girl devour a $10 order from Taco-Bell is just sickening, and having done so you just ruined my appetite…for my Taco-Bell order and for the sex we were supposed to have afterwards.

Making A Little Fashion Sense

2006-08-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

Who gave the OK for women to bathe in perfume and walk around as if this "accessory" complements, moreover, enhances the way they look, smell, whatever. By the way, this woman I am talking about was a flight attendant, and ModishmeN was on her flight. The pungently sweet and overwhelming scent that spewed from this woman's skin and clothing might as well had been shit in her pants. It was that offensive and completely uncalled for such a confined space. Hell, that lady would have been offensive on a mile long open beach. Where do these women find this shit, and who is on the other side of the counter agreeing on how good it smells in the first place, let alone in mass quantities?!?!

Here's another bit of fashion sense to take to heart---This time its for the men. Short-sleeved button-down shirts along with ties are not acceptable!!! That is unless of course you are Woody Hayes, and we live in the 1960's.

Someone tell the ladies that the black leather, silver studded belts need to go away. That trend has come and gone...Was that even a trend?

Brown shoes and white socks, gentlemen? Get the hell out of here.

Guys wearing baseball caps, bend the fucking bill! You're not some G'd out Charlie Brown character.

Women wearing the same color shirt as they are pants...you know, they call it an "outfit." Get a clue. People stopped wearing outfits in the 80's - sort of like the one some of you may be wearing 20 years later.

2006-08-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

Congrats to Cyndi Strauss of Hollywood, CA for being the inaugural inductee for the “What the Fuck” Class of 2006!

Cyndi, one day, realizing only after an epiphany, was “…sick and tired of making bad choices and attracting the wrong guys.” Apparently she had been screwed over one too many times by one too many guys. Rather than not involving herself with these guys she decided to invest her time and money into reading how to understand men better; and along with it, a better understanding of herself.

Mmm, Hmm!

During these times of reaching, grasping at any sort of literature that may give a false sense of awareness toward truly knowing a man, and finding out who they really are, Cyndi found one book in particular which “…changed my dating life forever. It completely ‘opened my eyes’ to all the mistakes I'd been making with men and provided a totally logical and easy to follow method for finding and attracting LASTING LOVE.”

When reading this book you’ll come across a “secret psychology” to become irresistible, how attraction works, differences in how men and women think, "10 Fatal Mistakes,” How to "cheat-proof" your relationship, and within weeks you too will “fend off advances of men literally everyday!”

These quack authors pretend to tell you some insightful, deep and meaningful secret that only they know and are willing to reveal [once you buy their book]. Fuck these quacks! What they are telling you is common sense. You’ve just turned a blind eye to it in the first place, or they are spinning the concept so much that they are TRICKING you into believing that women don’t already know this.

This author, Christian Carter, has these idiots thinking if they read his book, which gives them a deeper understanding and they would lack this pertinent insight with out reading, then they’ll end up ”…finding and attracting great guys (seriously, it works almost like magic!).”

Let me get this straight, Cyndi. With out the book you make bad choices and attract the wrong guys. With the book you attract and fend off “GREAT” guys, “almost LIKE MAGIC!!!” Now this guy is a fucking magician too!

Not only do you admittedly bury your face in these garbage self-help books, but then have the audacity to claim that this clown author should go on Oprah, as if he is God’s very gift to every woman who buries them self in Oprah every afternoon. The answers to your questions don’t lie in the pages written by self-help quack authors, nor do they lie on the TV screen of a day-time television. I don’t give a shit how many cars Oprah gives away, there’s a reason for all of the publicity stunts she does, and it’s called RATINGS!!! She didn’t become a BILLIONAIRE by chance! She did it by making weak-minded women think that they need to rely on her and if Oprah weren’t in their life, their life wouldn’t be the same.

Go find a fucking friend! And Oprah doesn’t count. Oprah wipes her ass with hundred dollar bills. She doesn’t give a shit about your newly found understanding of men because some magical author, who spins common sense on paper, made you realize how to stay away from asshole guys who treat you badly.

Cyndi Strauss, “What the Fuck!”

Strauss, Cyndi. “Finally, There's A Way To Learn What's Really Going On Inside A Guy's Mind...” August 14, 2006. Found on http://insideaguysmind.com/.

Stupid People Say Stupid Things

2006-08-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

English is notably one of the hardest languages in the world to learn. You wouldn’t think so with only 26 characters in our alphabet. The problem is there is always an exception to the rules. I guess it is sort of a pet peeve when people use improper grammar while speaking, but worse yet is the mispronunciation of words. Granted, some words can be difficult to pronounce. Not everyone is a walking thesaurus. You may not have ever seen this particular word. That isn’t the problem. The trouble is when everyday words are mispronounced and nobody cares to correct this problem. Here is a list of words that I have heard recently mispronounced by the illiterate people of our English-speaking American society…

SuposeDly not SuposeBly

ProbABly not Probly

Illinois is pronounced without the “S”… “S” is for silent.

ASk not AKs

ESpecially not EXpecially

REALtor not RealAtor

MASONry not MasonARY

NUclear not NucUlar

Get the point? This list could go on and on, and these people are actually out in public interacting. This shouldn’t be allowed!!! They sound like idiots! The next time you’re in Starbucks and you hear someone order an Iced Caramel Macchiato with a double shot of EXpresso punch the back of their head, tell them to leave and not to return unless they can correctly pronounce the drink they order once a day. These people make me sick. Find a fucking dictionary and study!

Take it from Jack Palance, "Confidence is very sexy. Don't you think?"

2006-08-08T22:13:00.000-07:00

For any single guy the ability to “spit game” is an essential part of going out. When guys go out they have two things in mind: Get drunk and get girls. The drinking thing is simple, either you can or you don’t. The girl part of the equation is where it gets a little rough. There are three categories of guys when it comes to hitting on girls…

Guys that are good at it.

Guys that THINK they are good at it.

Guys that can’t even say hello to a girl.

We all know the one guy that can go up to any girl and strike up a conversation. With that said, we also know that at the end of the night you won’t be seeing him. What good is this guy to you? NONE, except for the story the next morning, because it’s usually a good one.

Next, you have the guys that THINK they can hit on girls, moreover, think it works. These guys are usually the ones who rapid fire the “Yo, baby,” the “Damn girl,” and for some reason it always seem as if they are talking out of the corner of their mouths. These guys are also notorious “close talkers,” as if what they telling these girls is a secret. It's no secret, these guys are hand jobs!

Guys, let’s be honest with ourselves here, we are many a time at an unfair advantage, especially if you fall under category three. We are deficient from the start based on the fact that girls have “Girl’s Night Out.” The very purpose of this group of girls going out is to hang out with the girlfriends [in the group] and talk badly about past relationships and such. OK, I made talking badly thing up, BUT it does happen. When it is girl’s night out the odds of a guy going home with one of those girls is slim; non-existant. They want no interest in guys tonight, hence the naming of the special occasion that is their very existence at the bar.

With all of these obstacles and unfair advantages we thought we’d make it a little easier for us guys to pick out the girls that you should AVOID HITTING ON. This list should build confidence and bring up the percentages…

10. As mentioned above, the table of 10 girls having “Girl’s Night Out”
9. Anyone with an engagement ring or wedding band
8. Any girl in church
7. Your brother’s ex-girlfriends
6. Any girl who is sleeping
5. Any girl who is comatose
4. Any girl who is or has thrown-up that night
3. Any girl who is already having sex with another guy (this includes walking into the bedroom)
2. Any girl who is dead
1. Any girl wearing the free promotional Valtrex t-shirt

With this list you should have no problems weeding out the good from the bad. It’s all smooth sailing from here on in. The days of worrying are over!

We ModishmeN say get out there and be a man with confidence! The only thing you have to lose is a chunk of your ego, or all faith that you have any ability to meet the girl of your dreams.

(list compiled from data taken from Morning Ritual, the edge 103.9)

You Asked For It, You Got It

2006-08-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

We're back! You've missed us, we know.

We have gone and done the unspeakable. We felt like we were limiting our resources to you so we've gone NATION WIDE! A newly relocated Modish member will bring you stories and posts from out west. While we never truely leave our roots, the other Modish member will remain headquartered where it all began.

It will take a couple weeks to get back into the swing of things, and for us to get fully up and running, but you'll find things will pick up where they left off.

Happy reading, Modish-lovers!!!